The most important thing to remember when working on yourself, is: your feelings are yours, and yours alone. No one else created them in you, so you must not blame anyone else for your feelings.
The only thing you have real control over is how you approach your own reactions. You cannot change anyone else, but you can change yourself. So if someone does or says something you do not like (and you react with anger or sadness inside) it is your job, your responsibility, to face and erase your reaction. Once you do this, you are free from the pain of your reaction. You just created more peace within yourself, and therefore more peace in the world.
Be sure to give yourself and others space when you are working on a feeling, or when a big feeling comes up. You're natural reaction may be to hug someone, or to try to comfort them physically, but that actually can prevent the feeling from breaking down! The best way you can help someone or yourself is to remind them to relax and use their face it & erase it tools if they are having trouble, to keep your distance, to stay quiet, and to just keep your attention on your own reactions first and foremost.
DON'T EXPRESS IT OR SUPPRESS IT, FACE IT & ERASE IT! This means before you go talking about a feeling, or trying to pretend a feeling is not there, you need to face it and erase it with one of your tools. Talking about a feeling may release a little pressure, but it doesn't get rid of the feeling. Suppressing a feeling (pushing it down) just makes it a bigger problem inside later on. So, when a feeling comes up, the best thing to do is stay quiet with yourself and to feel the feeling with your attention, and then erase it!
What you RESIST will PERSIST. Whatever you do not erase today, it will keep coming up.
When feelings come up in the moment that is the best time to work on them. Don't ignore something, no matter how small it may seem, like an irritation, impatience, or criticism of someone else. Always look at it and face it and erase it in the moment. If you miss facing and erasing it in the moment, then take the time later on in your day and review the event to break down the feeling(s) you missed in the moment.
Reasons why SLT would NOT work on erasing your feelings are :
1) If you do not properly focus on your inner space and "feeling the feeling" inside as you do the practice.
2) You really don't want to get rid of the feeling (deep down), and if this is so, keep asking yourself THE THREE QUESTIONS until your answers are sincerely yes, yes, and now.
3) If you are ignoring, or don't yet understand all the feelings surrounding a problem you are having. If you're stuck, ask a group leader or a HMHB teacher to help you figure out what to really work on.
How to use finger tapping: If you cannot remember the SLT pressure points, or want to be a little less obvious than pressing points around your eyes to work on a feeling, you can try pressing your pointer finger and thumb together rapidly while thinking or saying your phrase. is is called finger tapping. Finger tapping can come in handy like when you are in class and don’t want to leave your seat to go work on a feeling. You can also simply move your eyes side to side (like in the last part of SLT) instead of finger tapping to help break a feeling that is not going away easily, or when you don't want to bring much a attention to yourself.
Remember that wherever there is anger there is also fear, so look for it inside. If you are angry because someone called you a mean name, look for the fear inside that says “I’m afraid of this person, or maybe I'm afriad what that person said was true.” Even if you don’t think you have anger or fear surrounding a mistake you or someone else made, still look for it, or just try using an SLT phrase and see what happens. Doing this can lead to major break-throughs and progress inside.
Just remember you have yet to learn the most incredible, simple, and powerful facing & erasing technique, so stay tuned for meeting #3 to learn STOP DROP CHOP.